A while back I decided that I should start collecting something, so that people will always know what to get me for my birthday. Collectors are so easy to shop for. You always know that every year, so-and-so will appreciate a new Hummel figurine, more Elvis memorabilia, another shrunken head, etc.
I already have a little owl figurine that used to hold Avon cream, so I decided to start collecting vintage Avon stuff. I got one of their “Pin Pals”, a brooch that opens up to reveal a cache of solid perfume. I got two vintage perfume bottles, still full of perfume that smells like old lady, and thus, they will probably stay full of that old lady perfume forever. Or at least until I’m an old lady. And today I got a vintage bottle of lotion that I’d forgotten I’d ordered. Surprise!
It came in the original box, which is very cute. I have Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle in the photo as well because a photo of a bottle of lotion? Not that interesting. A photo of a bottle of lotion with a hamster? I should win a prize.
She was not a willing participant. She looks pissed off in this picture. That’s because she was pissed off.
It’s also still full of honeysuckle lotion, which smells like what you’d imagine 40-year-old lotion would smell like, i.e. icky caca. Like industrial effluent. I could probably use it to grease my bicycle chain. Maybe I will.
In other news, I have decided against the white purse. It’s darling, but I’m poor, I won’t be able to keep it clean, and I have a perfectly serviceable purse. I washed it today, because a packet of Crystal Lite had burst inside and gotten everything all red and sticky and I won’t tell you how long it had been that way because you might judge me unfavorably. The point is: it’s clean now.
I also went to my first day of class for the summer semester. I am taking creative writing, in the hopes that it will force me to write, and my book will be a bestseller, at which point I will have the funds to move to Mexico City to pursue my real dream: telenovela actressing. Yep, I’ve got a plan. A mighty fine, well thought-out, realistic plan.
When we introduced ourselves to the class, we were supposed to talk about any past writing experience, and I admitted to a lot of self-indulgent diaries, but neglected to mention my blog. Shame on me, because aside from those self-indulgent diaries, this is where most of my writing happens. But now I have to do “real” writing. I’m supposed to turn in my first story next week, which at this point seems like an utterly insurmountable task. I haven’t written a short story since my junior year of high school, and for those of you counting, that was a long time ago. I’m scared! Say something reassuring.
