My ESL kindergarteners have a hard time pronouncing the letter ‘S’ at the end of a word. Bus becomes buh, house becomes how, and horse becomes something that makes me giggle.
Archive for the ‘Juvenile Humor’ Category
Aug
23
2010
I love my Snuggie
by AndreaI’ve already admitted to owning a leopard print Snuggie (best invention EVER), so I’m admittedly biased, but seriously, this commercial is hilarious. I was laughing so hard I cried and needed my inhaler. Enjoy!
Jun
20
2010
It’s a joke, not a threat
by AndreaWhenever I get a latte (soy raspberry– blackberry if I’m feeling dangerous), I always want to say to the barista, “Keep the change, you filthy animal.”
I don’t, because they might not catch the film reference and think I was just rude, like when I told the door-to-door salesman, “I’m gonna give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead!” and he didn’t realize I was quoting a movie. Awkward!
May
12
2010
Crude
by AndreaIn second grade, a boy in my class named Colin told me that BP stood for “Big Penis”. I had a feeling that was incorrect, and I was right– it stands for British Petroleum. And yet, lo these many years later, I hear “BP” and think “Big Penis”, and in light of recent events, that seems fair.
I would make an inappropriate pun about how BP is boning the Gulf but my mom reads this blog.
Ah yes. Offshore drilling is a fantastic idea.
I can’t look at the pictures of the animals without crying. Why should they suffer because of unmitigated human greed? Sorry for a depressing post but I’m depressed about this.
And looking into adopting a pelican. Or something.
May
10
2010
In which I go “there”
by AndreaMy cat, Tobias von Snicklefritz, being the delicate flower that he is, will not use a litter box that is anything less than pristine. So what happens when the litter box is less than pristine? Some cats will relieve themselves near the litter box. Not Toby. Toby is a statement pooper.
The other day, Toby left a little coprolite in the middle of the kitchen floor. It’s the cat equivalent of a snarky memo:
ATTN: All
Some people have been less than fastidious in their doodie duties. I trust this issue will be rectified immediately. If not, there will be repercussions.
The Management
Sometimes Toby even makes it personal, like the time he got mad at Kurt and pooped on his laundry. (I still crack up just thinking about it.)
You can pretend to be horrified all you want, but admit it: haven’t you ever wanted to express yourself with a well-placed poopie? If Toby had a larynx, I’m sure he would tell you that it’s very effective.
Apr
20
2010
Some people take this stuff seriously
by AndreaSo after not planning my wedding/feeling guilty about not planning my wedding/whining about what a pain weddings are for a year, my wedding plans came together the other night in about 15 minutes flat. I got an idea, let it roll around in the old noggin for a few minutes, and then I knew I finally figured out what I wanted. Yay!
Renaissance Faire Wedding!
TOTALLY KIDDING, YOU GUYS. If I had a Renaissance Faire Wedding it would probably be an Ironic Renaissance Faire Wedding. Or a Harlem Renaissance Wedding (not ironic). Speaking of irony, I am all about the Ironic/Awkward Engagement Photos.
Here are my ideas so far:
Me, Kurt, and all the pets in Ironic Snuggies. I might have to make Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle’s myself.
Ironic Renaissance Faire Engagement Photos
The two of us canoodling on the hood of Kurt’s Dodge Shadow. Hawt.
Looking off in the distance away from the camera in the same direction.
Me, wearing a Ring Pop on the all-important-finger. Kurt licking the Ring Pop.
Two words: matching haircuts.
Our cats dressed up like us. Because cats dressed like people is lose-bladder-control funny.
Something like this:
I’ll tell Kurt to start working on that ‘stache.
P.S. As a child of 90′s, I am allowed to have hazy ideas about irony. Thanks, Alanis.