La Alaskeña » Celebrities

Relator

Andrea — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 16:56:45 +0000

I don’t love Scarlett Johansson. I’m sorry, but I just don’t. I’m the first to admit that she has a lovely set of bosoms, that she’s pretty, that she has good taste in husbands and clothes, etc, but I feel that rumors of her talent have been widely exaggerated. I hate how people act like she’s God’s gift to cinema. She’s not, ok? Chris Kattan is God’s gift to cinema. Watch Corky Romano and you’ll see what I mean.

Let’s be honest: I have a problem with people that are younger than me and more successful. (Abigail Breslin, you’re on notice.)

When I heard that Scarlett Johansson was recording an album, I was like, really Scarlett? Really? It’s not enough to be married to Ryan Roberts and make movies with the likes of Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor and be Woody Allen’s muse and have the whole world fawning over you? You have to have music too?

Then I heard her man-voice on Anywhere I Lay My Head and I felt much better. I indulged in a little schadenfraude because it was just so very awful.

And then it came to my attention that she was making an album with Pete Yorn, and I was like Pete, you know I love you and all, but have you heard her voice? She sounds like a man-frog. But I got the album anyway, because I have been slavishly devoted to Pete Yorn since my junior year of high school, and Pete? I STAND CORRECTED.

Not only do I not hate her voice on Break Up, but I actually kind of like it. I’ve been listening to it non-stop since I got it. My only solace is how supremely uncomfortable she looks in the music video.

Scarlett wins. Again.

To bang or not to bang?

Andrea — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 08:16:06 +0000

I have been trying to grow my hair out for 10 years. It has never gotten past my shoulders. There are lots of reasons for this. I used to dye my hair black, and when I decided to quit, I had to chop it out. I got a Pat Benatar mullet (which was awesome, by the way) on a whim. Mostly I just get bored. I need a life change so instead of taking up a new hobby I get my hair cut. Probably cheaper in the long run.

After a “boy haircut” in November and a few trims, my hair is finally past my chin, and oh boy, is it driving me crazy. I was flipping through a magazine and saw this girl. It was like the heavens opened. I heard a choir sing.

Juanita Stein of the Howling Bells

Bangs! Bangs is the correct answer! Bangs will cure my existential ennui and fix everything, right?

If they worked for Audrey…

and Feist…

and Jane Birkin, then they can work for me, right?

And of course, no discussion of bangs would be complete without mentioning the world’s cutest bang-wearer over age 5, Zooey Deschanel.

My fear is that I will end up looking like Bruce Lee (again) and there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

What say you?

Um, Duffy is really cute.

Andrea — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 10:16:09 +0000

This video makes me want to get on a train. Unfortunately, the trains in Alaska don’t really go anywhere.

Butterfield 8

Andrea — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 09:36:28 +0000

I watched “Butterfield 8″ today, which kinda… sucked. I suppose that’s blasphemy, but it’s true, and Liz Taylor would back me up on that. She and Eddie Fisher referred to it as “Butterball 4″. It was rather melodramatic and prudish, although I was surprised that it included the words “slut” and “sex”. That being said, La Liz was fabulous, as always (she won an Oscar for her role as Gloria Wandrous, a call girl who does it for free).

What an insanely gorgeous woman! While I was watching it I got a serious case of eyebrow envy. She has the loveliest eyebrows. I’d love to have those thick, dark brows, but unfortunately I just don’t have much to work with. I wish I had some seriously bushy eyebrows so that I could sculpt them a la Liz. Ah well. I guess when the Universe handed out perfection, it gave Liz the lion’s share.

Hot N Hot

Andrea — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 08:40:19 +0000

I know I’m not the first one to notice this, but how freaking cute is Katy Perry?

I love that she just wears what she wants. The top outfit is maybe a little more Eva Peron than pop star, but somehow on her it works. She’s always rocking the playsuits, and if I had legs like that, so would I.

Then there’s the “Hot N Cold” video, which I love, love, love. Katy’s mad dancing skills are pretty hot, and I would totally wear her dress to my own wedding. Not even kidding.