Kindergartener: When are you gonna get a baby?
Me: Not for a long time.
Kindergartener: So… tomorrow?
(Y’all better be prepared for lots of funny kindergartener stories. The funniest people in my life right now are 23 kindergarteners, except for Kurt, but most of the funny things he says are wildly inappropriate and therefore not blog-able.)
Kindergartener: Is that how you laugh?
Me: Um yeah, that’s how I laugh.
Kindergartener: Oh. That’s… different.
I’ve already admitted to owning a leopard print Snuggie (best invention EVER), so I’m admittedly biased, but seriously, this commercial is hilarious. I was laughing so hard I cried and needed my inhaler. Enjoy!
When somebody is bragging to you about how cute or funny or smart their kid is, it’s never a good idea to say, “Oh, my cat does that too.” You’d think it would be a good way to establish some common ground, but trust me, it’s not.
Me: It’s hard for me to respect people who go running shirtless.
Kurt: I don’t… I don’t respect people who run.
Me: Yeah, only children and thieves run.
Kurt: I guess if you were being chased by a bear it’s ok. And maybe– maybe when you’re playing with your dog.
Some people are afraid of spiders. Some are afraid of heights. Some are afraid of clowns, which seems perfectly reasonable to me, because let’s face it: clowns are scary.
I’m scared of balloons.
(Via Hautstyle. Some images NSFW.)
This situation would give me a panic attack. Not even playing.
Whenever I’m around balloons, all I can think about is how they will pop, suddenly and alarmingly, and how awful that will be. I’m also afraid that said popping will injure me somehow. This phobia is so deep-seated and primal that on more than one occasion I have screamed, “GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!” at a small, balloon-wielding child.
You can imagine how much fun I am at birthday parties.