La Alaskeña

Let’s talk about unfulfilled childhood dreams. I have a few.

1. Marrying Cary Grant

2. Going to the Prom with Prince William and/or John Cusack

3. Being a cheerleader

I have, to some extent, gotten over these disappointments, as much as anyone can get over not marrying your soulmate because he’s dead. But a certain childhood dream still beats within my heart, and will most likely never die.

I want to go to boarding school. Preferably Hogwarts.

I know, I know. Hogwarts is pretend, blah, blah, blah.

Muggles…

My dream to attend boarding school began well before I had ever heard about Hogwarts. It began in 1990.

In case you’ve forgotten the plot of this cinematic masterpiece, the little lady in question is going to be sent off to boarding school by her sinister stepfather-to-be. The boarding school headmistress is stuffy and mean, the school is dreary and regimented, and the consensus seems to be that going to English boarding school is the Worst Thing Ever.

And I’m six years old, and I’m like, “SIGN ME UP!”

The dormitories, the uniforms, the Latin grammar lessons… I wanted it all.

Well, you know what happened. I didn’t go to English boarding school, I never was a cheerleader, I didn’t go to Prom with Prince William and/or John Cusack, and I’m not really sure how to be a well-adjusted adult with so many unresolved childhood issues.

I am seriously considering borrowing my 16-year-old sister’s identity. Come on, I just need one term at boarding school and then I’ll give it right back! Please?