Archive for September, 2009

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Sep
30
2009

Relator

by Andrea

I don’t love Scarlett Johansson. I’m sorry, but I just don’t. I’m the first to admit that she has a lovely set of bosoms, that she’s pretty, that she has good taste in husbands and clothes, etc, but I feel that rumors of her talent have been widely exaggerated. I hate how people act like she’s God’s gift to cinema. She’s not, ok? Chris Kattan is God’s gift to cinema. Watch Corky Romano and you’ll see what I mean.

Let’s be honest: I have a problem with people that are younger than me and more successful. (Abigail Breslin, you’re on notice.)

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When I heard that Scarlett Johansson was recording an album, I was like, really Scarlett? Really? It’s not enough to be married to Ryan Roberts and make movies with the likes of Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor and be Woody Allen’s muse and have the whole world fawning over you? You have to have music too?

Then I heard her man-voice on Anywhere I Lay My Head and I felt much better. I indulged in a little schadenfraude because it was just so very awful.

And then it came to my attention that she was making an album with Pete Yorn, and I was like Pete, you know I love you and all, but have you heard her voice? She sounds like a man-frog. But I got the album anyway, because I have been slavishly devoted to Pete Yorn since my junior year of high school, and Pete? I STAND CORRECTED.

Not only do I not hate her voice on Break Up, but I actually kind of like it. I’ve been listening to it non-stop since I got it. My only solace is how supremely uncomfortable she looks in the music video.

Scarlett wins. Again.

Posted in Celebrities, Music | 2 Comments »

Sep
26
2009

TGIF

by Andrea

I am instituting a new segment of La Alaskeña entitled “Stuff Marley Says.” Marley is a custodian at the hospital where I work, and I think he may have missed his calling as a comedian. This guy cracks me up.

Me: Hi Marley.

Marley: Hi. How are you?

Me: Good… It’s Friday!

Marley: I know. I’ve been waiting for this all week. I even put some work in, just to pass the time.

Posted in Random | 3 Comments »

Sep
13
2009

7 things…

by Andrea

Is the title of an unfortunate Miley Cyrus song, which I will not discuss further.

I was tagged by Rebecca a while back to post seven traits about me, and of course I’ve been meaning to do it for ages and haven’t, but look at me! I’m doing it right now! (You’d think I’d have done this sooner considering that I love writing about myself. I mean, that’s why I started a blog. But don’t tell anybody; they might think I’m conceited.)

1. I am super-duper sensitive, in every sense of the word. I also hate harsh artificial light, loud noises, and extremes in temperature. I’ve gotten physically ill from being forced to listen to AC/DC. (I’m sorry AC/DC fans, but it sounds like nails on a chalkboard– another sound that can make me physically ill.) If I am hungry, it’s all I can think about. So I guess I’m like an infant: if I’m warm but not hot and well-fed and everything is just so, I might be content.

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2. I love animals and my dream is to adopt all the puppies in the whole world. But you knew that already.

puppies

3. I don’t have tonsils. By the way, the recovery from a tonsillectomy is pure agony, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I also don’t have a gallbladder. I am almost out of vestigial organs!

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4. I love television. Looove it. I am ridiculously excited for my fall shows to start up again.

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5. I am shy and awkward, which people mistake for snobbery. I’m not a snob!

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6. Ok, I’m kind of a snob. But not in a malignant way. I just have a really hard time understanding some people. Like, half of America. Why would you ever, under any circumstance, take people like Glenn Beck or Bill O’Reilly seriously? I don’t get it, and I don’t want to get it, which I guess makes me a snob.

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7. I am ridiculously in love with President Obama.

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Can you blame me?

Posted in Self-Involvement | 3 Comments »

Sep
12
2009

Hat Lust

by Andrea

Remember hats? Neither do I. They’re before my time. But oh, how I wish hats had never fallen out of favor.

cloche

redcloche

Katarina Couture

Posted in Fashion | 2 Comments »

Sep
11
2009

I CAN camp.

by Andrea

There seems to be some sort of consensus among my family that I am not a happy camper. This is simply not true. I like camping. They don’t know that because they’ve never been camping with me. It’s hiking that I can’t stand. Why clomp around in the woods? Why not sit down, light a fire, relax, and read a book? I just don’t get hiking.

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Since 1995, roughly, I have ruined every outdoor family outing. Because I. Hate. Hiking.

But I don’t mind camping…

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As long as the bears keep their distance. That’s me IN A TENT. See? I CAN CAMP.

(Sadly, that’s the best picture of me from the camping trip. I guess I can camp, but I can’t look cute doing it.)

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Lingonberries!

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This is a punk. I guess it’s a mushroom, but “punk” is more fun to say. Traditionally, Alaska Natives use punks to make a chew called iqmik. Having no desire to try iqmik, I just let it be.

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Kurt and Kiska lead the way.

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Lichen that looks like coral. It was so pretty.

So yeah. I went camping. I slept in a tent in the woods where the bears and the wolves and the wolverines live. I didn’t see any bears or wolves or wolverines, but I did see some squirrels, ptarmigan, and many, many gnats and horseflies. I made s’mores and feasted on vegetables roasted in the campfire. I picked lots of crowberries and made up a song called “Please Don’t Eat Me, Mr. Bear.”

And guess what, all who underestimated my camping abilities? I HAD FUN.

So there.

 

Posted in Droppin' Knowledge, Self-Involvement, The Last Frontier | 5 Comments »

Sep
9
2009

How come this never happens on America’s Got Talent?

by Andrea

This video made me cry. Considering that Hallmark commercials also make me cry, maybe I am not the best judge of what constitutes a soul-stirring work of art. Perhaps my emotional response is partly due to the fact that I’ve got a terrible chest cold and am hopped up on all kinds of cough medicine. At any rate, whether it moves you to tears or not, this video is definitely worth watching.

Posted in Random | 2 Comments »

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