La Alaskeña

I have some pretty strong feelings about men’s clothing. Tank tops? Never, ever, ever, ever, ever ok. If you are actually in the act of playing a sport, fine. Otherwise, no. It’s disgusting. Don’t do it.

And as for man cleavage, I find it vile. There is no excuse for it. Unless I am at the beach, I should never, ever have to see the chest hair (or waxed chest) of a man that I’m not romantically involved with. I’m talking to you, Tom Ford.

I could go on and on about Tom Ford’s sexist, offensive advertisements, but let’s just stick to my main complaint: his chest. Frankly, I think world peace would be feasible if only men would realize that TWO is the number of buttons that may be left undone. JUST TWO. And, yes, I am counting the collar button.

Of course, there is an exception to every rule.

Greek pop star Sakis Rouvas can wear (or not wear) whatever he pleases. Because he’s Sakis Rouvas.

Moving on: under no circumstances should a man’s nipples be visible under his shirt. First off, I find it disconcerting that men even have nipples at all. I mean, what are they for? But I digress. If you are going to wear a flimsy shirt, you must, I repeat MUST wear an undershirt. This protects the people you come in contact with from both man nipples and man cleavage. It is, in short, an essential tool for preserving your innate manly delicacy and modesty. WEAR ONE.

I was going to discuss my feelings about old men and shorts (hint: they don’t mix) but searching Google images for “man cleavage” has left me ready for a Nauzene and glass of ginger ale. What are your pet peeves?