La Alaskena

I have been doing these Top 5 quiz thingies on Facebook. It’s a problem. I can’t stop. Top 5 movies, top 5 books, top 5 celebrity crushes, top 5 people I want to punch in the face (Dick Cheney, Spencer Pratt, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Chad Kroeger and Bill O’Reilly). I’m like, thank you Facebook, for asking my opinion on these things and allowing me to share it with 248 of my closest friends and relations. 

I did a top 5 tonight that I thought was interesting: Top 5 television characters that I wish were real so I could hang out with them. I kinda cheated. In no particular order, I present:

1. Mac, Dennis, Sweet Dee, and Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. 

It’s not fair to pick the whole cast, but I did. Deal with it. This show makes me laugh until I cry. If you are some sort of delicate flower, don’t watch this show, because it is crazy offensive. But if you have a sick, twisted sense of humor, watch it. These kids are moral reprobates who are always getting into trouble, like opening their bar to the underage crowd, recruiting a priest to sell cocaine so they can pay off the mob, or setting Sweet Dee on fire– twice. Never a dull moment.

2. Julian, Bubbles and Ricky from Trailer Park Boys

Another set of reprobates. HILARIOUS. Highly offensive. Two guys on parole move back into their trailer park in Nova Scotia. They grow weed because A: they’re good at it, and B: if they sell enough weed, they’ll be able to retire from their life of crime. Bubbles has a lot of cats which he loans out, to keep the squirrels from peeing on the pot plants. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m not sure I’d want to hang out with them because somebody always ends up getting shot in the bum.

3. Parker from Leverage

Leverage is a new show that finished its first season a few weeks ago, and I can’t recommend it enough. It’s about a bunch of thieves who become modern day Robin Hoods, stealing from the rich and wicked and giving it to the poor and deserving. It’s clever and funny, and the characters are really well-written. My personal favorite is Parker, who is adventurous, fun, and just a little bit crazy. Ok, a lot crazy. But in a fun, adventurous kind of way. 

4. Dr. Walter Bishop from Fringe

Fringe is about FBI agent Olivia Dunham, who investigates paranormal events. She consults with a mad scientist named Dr. Walter Bishop, who provides scientific know-how and comic relief. The thing I like about Walter is that he expresses child-like glee over everything, from his favorite cereal to finding a remedy for a long-extinct strain of syphilis to the pet cow he keeps in his laboratory. 

5. Liz Lemon from 30 Rock

Let me just come out and say that 30 Rock is brilliant, Tina Fey is brilliant, the whole cast is brilliant, and it’s pretty much the best show ever. EVER. And Liz Lemon, oh how I love Liz Lemon. I love how she’s awkward, how she embarrasses herself, how she eats her feelings, how she says things like, “I want to go to there.” Liz Lemon is me in 15 years… if I’m lucky. And doesn’t Liz seem like the kind of friend you’d want to sit with on the couch, eating take-out and watching The Facts of Life reruns? Yes, yes, she does.

So. Which fictional character would you like to make friends with?