So I finally saw Twilight. I convinced Kurt to watch it with me, and boy, was it awful. Just terrible. It was contrived and silly in every way. It was utterly ridiculous and laughable. That being said, I loved it.
It was perhaps the funniest movie I’ve ever seen. And it wasn’t even trying to be funny, which makes it even funnier. The acting was awful– Bella’s “method” seems to be blinking a lot, biting her lip, and being utterly flummoxed by every question. As a feminist, I found her whole damsel-in-distress schtick quite annoying.
Robert Pattinson’s Edward just broods a lot. But you know, you have to brood with a purpose, and what was Edward’s motivation? Trying not to eat Bella? I just didn’t get it. I don’t get what the point of this story was. Maybe the books are better?
Bella figures out that Edward’s a vampire through a Google search. Let me reiterate: through a Google search. This is because Bella is intolerably stupid. Hmmm, avoids sunlight and has fangs? It doesn’t take a Google search to figure that one out, my dear.
And then, we find out why vampires avoid sunlight: not because they shrivel and burst into flames, but because they sparkle. “It’s like diamonds!” Bella whispers. But it’s not like diamonds. It’s like the Bonne Bell body glitter I wore in junior high, because that’s what it is. And it’s ludicrous and embarrassing. Robert Pattinson probably still has glitter lurking in his belly button. That can’t be comfortable.
KURT’S COMMENTARY
On Bella: God, she’s twitchy.
On Edward: See how I’m so angsty?
When Edward catches a whiff of Bella: He looks like he’s going to throw up, but I think he’s supposed to be aroused.
On the teenage dialogue: Did he just say “chillax”? Oh God. That was cool for all of 20 seconds in 2004.
On Bella again: STOP BLINKING! It’s like she has Tourette’s. This movie would be redeemed if she turned out to be Sasquatch.
Cutting in on Edward’s line: “I don’t have… a penis.” (Edward says “I don’t have… the strength to stay away from you.”)
ANDREA’S COMMENTARY
On Edward: He looks like a geisha.
On the “bad” (aka normal) vampires: You know how you can tell they’re bad vampires? Dirty clothes.
On the lack of hot vampire sex: Now if they just had the sexy time, I could dig it. Or even made out once in a while.
Throughout the entire movie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BEST MOVIE EVER!
I know what you’re all going to do. You’re all going to run out and rent ”Twilight” immediately. Do it. But your brain might self-destruct. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
i hated it too.... im so sad about it, the books are good and the film could have been so much better. And the acting… how funny! E’s last blog post..catch up...
O lord. What is it about this movie? It evoked exactly the same reaction in me. Horror, disgust and confusion sitting alongside with absolute enjoyment and a terrible terrible crush on Robert Pattison's hair. Then I went and bought the goddamn books. And hated and loved them at the same time. Just weird. What really stood out for me was that he was such as bloody stalker and yet everyone's reactions were like _ WOW! HOW ROMANTIC. He watches me as I sleep and follows me in his silver Volvo to the bookstore. WOW. SWOON. You know it. ondressingup’s last blog post..pouring scorn
I must admit I liked the books in a "this is a bit silly but so fun" and "I feel like I'm in junior high again" sort of way. Not good literature by any stretch of the imagination. However, I TOTALLY agree with you on the film! Granted I only watched it illegally online, but they changed a lot of facts (i.e. Bella does not google in the book) and I couldn't see the attraction between them at all and the acting was just awful. I didn't see why or how they could possibly like each other from the film... The Clothes Horse’s last blog post..Thaw This Frozen Land
I share a similar opinion. I didn't love it, but I liked it, despite thinking it was ridiculous. I laughed so hard in many scenes, especially during her google search (!) And glad to hear is not only me who noticed this about the girl's acting. Romeika’s last blog post..Guess the picture - part 2
I love twilight books but the movie is horrible... for kids. with no brains. yey! :D
oh boy! Andrea! I saw this film this weekend!! and loveeeeeeeeeeeeed it! (yes with that many "e"'s) :D I could keep watching and watching and watching it over and over! have a lovely week darling! xx Raquel’s last blog post..Butterfly
ps: I'll buy the books and read them in my Easter break! :) Raquel’s last blog post..Butterfly
You're all mean! I liked the movie.
I saw the movie and thought oh ok I've seen it now nothing special then was given the set of books for my birthday and had nothing to read so I read them and I must say I LOVED the books I read all 4 in 5 days and arrived at work really tired lol!!!!