La Alaskeña

Since the Clothes Horse asked so nicely, I’ll recount the story of how I once caught a bat.

Once upon a time, I was an English teacher in Michoacán, Mexico. My school was once a house, and its many bedrooms were converted into classrooms. In the eaves of the courtyard lived some bats. A lot of bats. Since they’re nocturnal and classes took place in the day, they mostly left us alone. But one day, a bat fell from his perch and was unable to find his way back home, so he flew into my classroom instead.

He was scared. His wing was injured. He was only able to fly a few feet, and then he’d fall again. Can you imagine how frightened he was when 14 Mexican children started SHRIEKING like banshees?

All hell broke loose when the bat flew in. My students started screaming about how the bat was going to bite them, eat them, give them rabies. Some climbed on top of their desks and some cowered underneath them. With all the noise, the poor bat was disoriented and flew into the wall. And that’s when I saved the day.

I grabbed my sweatshirt and threw it over the bat, swaddling it gently in red fleece. And then I took a good look at him. I didn’t get a photo of the actual bat at the time, but here’s what he looked like:

A tiny, furry, winged piglet, so ugly he was almost cute. I thought he was cute, but most of my students insisted that I kill him immediately. I of course, was intent on naming him Bruce Wayne and feeding him bugs and maybe letting him hang upside down from my hair. I found a shoebox and put him in until we could decide what to do with Bruce Wayne.

Between classes, I took him out for little visits. His fur was so soft. Yes, I pet (petted?) him. Relax. I washed my hands afterward. He was very sweet and didn’t wiggle or try to bite.

The other teachers took him home that evening, and when he was feeling better, they took him up to the roof, where he flew away into the night.

It’s funny how people are scared of animals that are quite harmless, like bats. In second grade, a bat scientist, or chiroptologist, came into our classroom to talk about bats, and he brought a cooler full of dead, frozen bats. And he passed them around. I got to play with dead, frozen bats. And it was awesome. My favorite was the flying fox.

Admit it: this one actually is cute. Bats are pretty cool animals. They keep insect populations in check, pollinate plants, and spread seeds. Kurt and I are thinking about putting a bat box in the backyard for some natural mosquito control.

So see? Bats are cool. Don’t be scared of bats. What kind of animals are you afraid of? I can handle pretty much anything except scary things that live in the water: electric eels, watersnakes, jellyfish, alligators, sharks… it gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about it!

P.S. Don’t worry, this isn’t going to become a nature blog. Tune in tomorrow for photos of the lifechanging article of clothing that I found the other day at the Salvation Army. Seriously. Lifechanging.